You are missing this one thing to get promoted

Your annual review is coming up. You've worked hard on your projects, learnt new skills, and your manager seems happy with your work.

You walk into that review meeting feeling confident.

But then you hear: "You're doing great, but you are not quite ready yet for the promotion..."

Meanwhile, your colleague - the one who delivers decent (not exceptional) work - just got promoted.

This happened one of my clients recently. She'd done everything "right" - except one thing that nobody talks about.

She didn't network.

Her reason will probably sound familiar: "I shouldn't have to schmooze to get ahead. My work should speak for itself."

I used to think the same thing.

Why working hard isn’t enough any more
 

Here's what nobody tells you about the "meritocracy" myth: Your brilliant work is like a tree falling in an empty forest. If nobody important sees it or remembers you when opportunities arise, did it really happen?

I used to do the same - I'd prefer to work on my presentation while others grabbed a drink with senior leaders. Guess who got invited to the strategic planning meetings? Not me.

Why high achievers avoid networking
 

If you are avoiding networking where you can, you're not alone. There's actually a psychological reason why high achievers often struggle with it.

We're trained to solve problems with logic and data. But networking feels... fake and political - everything we've been taught to avoid.

Plus, when you're the only woman in a room full of engineers talking about last night's game, what exactly are you supposed to contribute?

I get it. I've been that person standing awkwardly by the coffee machine, desperately trying to think of something to say.

But here’s what I realised:

There is no workplace without human relationships
 

This isn't some modern corporate invention. It's literally how humans survived for thousands of years. Our ancestors formed groups to take turns hunting, caring for others, watching for danger. Our brains are actually wired for these connections.

The only difference at work? When you're a woman in tech or engineering, you might be the odd one out in a very homogeneous group.

But here's the truth nobody wants to say out loud:

You can fight it. You can refuse on principle. But while you're standing on principle, others are building the relationships that lead to opportunities.

So if we accept that networking is necessary, how do we make it less painful?

How to connect when you have nothing in common
 

Let me share a technique that transformed networking for me: conversation threading.

Instead of panicking about football or sports you don't follow, you listen for "thread hooks" - little openings that can lead anywhere.

Here's how it works:

Someone says: "I just got back from our Berlin office."

Your brain immediately spots the hooks:

• Berlin (the city)

• Travel experiences

• Different office cultures

• International collaboration

Pick any thread and pull: "What was it like working with the Berlin team? Did you notice any big differences in how they approach things?"

Suddenly you're having a real conversation. Not about football. About something you're genuinely curious about.

Five techniques that made me actually enjoy networking chats
 

1. Hunt for the hooks Listen for those "spark words" that could lead somewhere interesting. Everyone drops them. Travel, projects, challenges, wins. Each one is a door to a real conversation.

2. Ask expansion questions "How did that happen?" "What was that like?" "What surprised you most?" These questions work for any topic.

3. Share something real "That reminds me of when I worked with our Singapore team..." Keep it short and relevant. Remember you are not giving a presentation.

4. Master the transition Use phrases like "That's interesting because..." or "Speaking of challenges..." to gracefully shift topics to something you enjoy speaking about

5. Read the room Watch for energy. Longer answers mean they're engaged. One-word responses? Time to try a different thread or gracefully exit.

Your homework for this week

Pick one person you'd like to connect with at work. Someone whose work you admire or whose role interests you. Use the conversation threading technique to have one real conversation about something you both actually care about.

You might surprise yourself with how natural it feels.