How to spot the real decision maker in any room

 
Have you ever walked into a meeting and just known who was really in charge?

I don’t mean the person who set the agenda.

But the person who ends up influencing and approving the final decision.

Couple weeks ago, I was in a workshop with a client team. Within the first 5 minutes, it was obvious who was going to make the final decision.

Here is the thing: Before anyone even says a word, you can observe power dynamics. But most of us miss the signals completely.

Today I’m sharing the 5 body language secrets that reveal who really runs the room. Once you see these, you can’t unsee them. (And yes, you can use them yourself.)

Secret #1: The Chair Test

Watch how people sit. It tells you everything.

I used to think sitting up straight meant confidence.

That’s not quite true…here’s what I’ve learnt instead:

• Leaning forward = “I want to be heard”

• Relaxed lean back, hands behind head = “I own this room”

• Slouching back, arms crossed = “I’ve already checked out”

The most powerful person? They’re comfortable and take up space, because they don’t need to prove anything.

Secret #2: The Seating Map

Where someone sits isn’t random - it’s strategic.

Here is what it means:

• Head of table = Traditional power position

• Right next to the meeting lead = Inner circle

• Dead center, opposite the chair = “I have opinions and you’ll hear them”

• Edge seat near the door = “Please don’t call on me”

I used to sit at the edge, and found it hard to get heard. Now we know why.

Seat positions matter more than we admit.

Secret #3: The Laptop Shield

Where you put your laptop sends signals about your confidence and power.

Watch the confident people:

• Laptop closed or pushed aside

• Maybe just a simple notepad

• Full presence in the room

The defensive people:

• Laptop up like a wall

• Hiding behind the screen

• Creating a barrier

So make sure you only use your laptop when required.

Secret #4: The Eye Contact Code

This one is subtle but powerful.

Where do their eyes go when tough questions come up?

• Direct eye contact = “I stand by this”

• Looking down at notes = “I’m not sure”

• Scanning the room = “Someone back me up”

• Locked on one person = “You’re who I need to convince”

The person everyone looks at before answering? That’s your real decision maker.

Secret #5: The Stillness Rule

Less movement = more power.

What does that mean in reality?

Powerful person:

• Still posture

• Deliberate gestures

• Every movement has purpose.

Nervous person:

• Fidgeting

• Hair touching

• Can’t sit still
  
  

The golden rule nobody tells you

Research shows: People who speak early and frequently in a meeting are more likely to be perceived as influential leaders.

So make sure you speak up early!

Your action plan for tomorrow

1. Arrive 5 minutes early.
   Pick your seat intentionally.

2. Watch the first 60 seconds.
   Before the meeting officially starts, notice: Who’s comfortable? Who’s nervous? Who are people greeting first?

3. Speak in the first 5 minutes.
   Even just “Thanks for organising this” or “I’ve reviewed the agenda.” Get your voice in early.
   
   

Remember: When you understand the rules of the game, you can change the dynamics!

When I learnt about these patterns, I tested them out, one at a time:

• The first time I deliberately sat closer to the center? My suggestion actually got discussed.
• When I put my laptop away and made eye contact? People started asking for my opinion.

You don’t need to change who you are, you just need to understand the game.