How to trick your brain to win

When was the last time you walked away from an exciting opportunity because a voice in your head whispered “What if I fail?”

Recently, I had coffee with a world-class orchestra soloist. Someone who used to perform in front of thousands, where one wrong note can ruin an entire performance.

I asked him: “How do you handle that pressure?”

He leaned back, smiled, and said something that completely changed how I think about challenges.

“Life is full of difficult moments. You can’t avoid them - you just go through them.”

Then he added: “Don’t try to prove yourself by getting the perfect result. Prove yourself worthy by simply going through the process. Whatever happens, happens. You’ll learn either way.”

The real enemy isn’t failure - it’s your need to prove yourself
 

Here’s what struck me most about our conversation:

He said the enemy isn’t other people. It’s not failure. It’s not even making mistakes.

The real enemy? It’s that voice in your head that says you have something to prove.

“When you’re desperately trying to show everyone you’re good enough,” he told me, “you’ve already lost. Because you’re playing for the wrong reasons.”

He explained it like this: When he performs, he’s not thinking “I must prove I’m talented.” He’s thinking “I’m here to make music.”

The moment you stop trying to prove yourself, you’re free to actually learn and grow.

Think about that for a moment. How many opportunities have you turned down because that inner voice was screaming:

• “I need to prove I’m smart enough”

• “I can’t let them see me struggle”

• “What if they realise I don’t belong here?”
  
  

But here’s the trap: Avoiding challenges won’t protect you from that voice

You might think: “If I just stick to what I know, I won’t have to prove anything.”

But that’s exactly how the enemy wins. When you avoid that stretch project, you’re not escaping the need to prove yourself - you’re actually feeding it.

Every time you say “I’m not ready yet,” you’re secretly telling yourself “I really don’t belong at the next level.”

It’s like a musician who only plays simple pieces because they’re terrified of making mistakes. They think they’re protecting themselves from failure - but actually, they’re proving to themselves every single day that they can’t handle anything harder.

The only way to quiet that voice isn’t to hide from it. It’s to walk straight through the fear and discover: “Oh, I can do this. Maybe not perfectly, but I can do it.”

Your action plan: How to actually “go through it”

Next time an opportunity scares you, try this approach:

Step 1: Get specific about your fears 

Ask yourself: “What exactly about this project do I not know how to do?”

Make a list and write it down. You’ll often find it’s much smaller than the vague cloud of worry in your head.

Step 2: Find your safety net 

For each item on your list, ask: “Who could help me with this?”

Maybe it’s:

• A colleague who’s done something similar

• Someone in your network with this expertise

• An online course or resource
  
  

Step 3: Build your support system before you jump 
 

Reach out to one or two people. Tell them: “I’m taking on this new challenge and I’d love to have you as a sounding board.”

Most people are honoured to be asked.

Remember: You don’t need to jump into deep water alone, but you do need to jump.

Because here’s what that top musician knows from performing under pressure for decades: The regret of not trying hurts far more than any mistake you might make.

So what opportunity have you been avoiding?

Maybe it’s time to stop trying to defeat the enemy in your head and to go through it.