Why smart people stay stuck

Imagine you’ve just received feedback in your annual review. “You need to be more strategic,” your manager says. You nod, smile and leave the meeting... and then what?

If you’re like most of us, you file it away with a vague promise to “work on it later.”

But here’s what I discovered recently that completely changed how I think about growth - and it came from an unexpected place.

What a music professor taught me about business

Last week, I met an elite music professor who coaches students for positions in world-class orchestras. He shared something fascinating that made me think:

“The students who make it to the top orchestras aren’t necessarily the most naturally talented,” he said. “They’re the ones who can hear they’re playing something badly... and actually accept it.”

He went on: “I have brilliant students who listen to my feedback, nod politely, then go home and practice, but not the thing I told them about. They hear the feedback, but they don’t accept it’s true.”

That’s when I realised: This is exactly what happens in our careers, too.

The two barriers keeping you stuck

We all know the first barrier to growth: not knowing what we need to improve. That’s why mentors are so valuable - they spot our blind spots.

But there’s a second, sneakier barrier that nobody talks about: not accepting what we need to improve.

Let’s say someone tells you to “speak up more in meetings,” what’s your first reaction?

If you’re like me, it might sound like:

• “Well, they only say that because they’re so loud themselves”

• “I don’t want to be one of those people who dominates conversations”

• “There’s nothing wrong with being thoughtful”

Sound familiar?

Here’s what I realised: That defensive voice is keeping us stuck.

Why we run from the truth (and how to stop)

The music professor told me something else fascinating. When his students can’t accept feedback, he stops teaching music and starts asking questions:

“Were you raised in a family where mistakes were shameful?”

“Do you tie your self-worth to being perfect?”

“What are you afraid will happen if this feedback is true?”

Because here’s the thing: You can’t fix what you won’t face.

Your growth depends on brutal honesty

Let me share what happened when I finally stopped defending and started analysing.

Remember that “speak up more” feedback? Instead of dismissing it, I got curious:

• What exactly did they observe?

• Was it that I didn’t share ideas? Or that I shared them without conviction?

• How do colleagues I admire handle similar situations?

• What specific skills am I missing?

Once I stopped protecting my ego and started protecting my growth, everything changed. I realised I wasn’t “being thoughtful” - I was being invisible.

The question that changes everything

That music professor’s students who make it to top orchestras? They’ve mastered something most of us avoid: looking at the ugly truth without flinching.

They can say “I’m terrible at this particular scale” without it meaning “I’m terrible, period.”

They can practice their weaknesses because they’ve separated their worth from their current skill level.

So here’s my question for you - the same one I’ve been asking myself:

Are you being honest with yourself about what needs to change?

Not harsh, just honest.

Because somewhere between “I’m perfect” and “I’m worthless” lies the truth. And that’s where growth lives.

Take a moment today. Think about the last piece of feedback you brushed off. What if - just what if - there was something real in there?

What would you do differently if you accepted it might be true?