"You’re great to work with, but not quite ready for promotion"

You’ve built a team that trusts you. They open up. They do great work. And then someone describes you as “great to work with, but not quite ready for promotion”.

If you’ve heard something like that — or sensed it — you’re not imagining things. And there’s nothing wrong with how you lead.

What’s happening is simpler and more fixable than you think: you’re showing one dimension of your power, but not the other.

Let me explain.

The research behind why this keeps happening
 

Trust — the kind that earns you influence, promotions, and real authority — is built on two dimensions.

Psychologists call them warmth and competence. Warmth signals say: “I’m on your side.” Competence signals say: “I know what I’m doing.” You need both to be trusted as a leader. But here’s the part nobody tells you.

Research by Amy Cuddy at Harvard and Susan Fiske at Princeton shows that people assess warmth first and competence second. Mary Ann Sieghart’s work in The Authority Gap goes further: women are systematically rated as less competent than men with identical experience and credentials. So when a woman leads with warmth — which is a genuine strength — the system is already primed to read that as “all warmth, not enough authority.”

This isn’t a flaw in you. It’s a flaw in how organisations read signals. And once you understand that, you can start deploying your signals strategically — instead of hoping people will see the full picture on their own.

That’s the difference between waiting for recognition and taking it.

What “deploying signals” actually looks like

In my coaching work with women in STEM — engineers, architects, product leaders, consultants — I see the same pattern repeatedly. Brilliant women who are technically excellent, deeply trusted by their teams, but somehow not converting that performance into promotion.

One engineer I worked with put it perfectly: “I do a good job, everything is going fine, but I’m not getting that conversion into moving up.”

The conversion she was missing wasn’t about working harder. It was about signal switching — knowing which moments require warmth signals and which require competence signals. Think of it like a musician who can play both forte and pianissimo. The skill isn’t in doing one well. It’s in knowing when to shift.

Here are three places where a deliberate shift changes how people perceive your power.

1. Frame your meetings like a strategist, not a facilitator

If you’re running meetings that start with “Let’s go through the updates,” senior leaders who observe you will see a task manager. Not because you are one — but because that’s what the signal says.

Compare these two openings:

“So, where are we with the dashboard?”

versus

“Our goal this quarter is reducing customer churn by 15%. The onboarding work we’re doing is directly tied to that. Let’s see where we are.”

The second version does something powerful. It connects your team’s daily work to the organisation’s strategic goals — in one sentence. Your team feels their work has purpose. And anyone watching sees someone who thinks at a higher level.

When you close the meeting, make it equally clear: “Emily is finalising the user research by Thursday. I’ll present our recommendations to the leadership team on Friday.”

You’ve just shown both dimensions. The warmth is still there — you’re collaborative, you credit your team. But now the competence signal is visible too. You’re the person who sets direction, connects dots, and drives outcomes.

This is what I mean by taking power. You’re not waiting for a senior leader to notice your strategic thinking. You’re making it impossible to miss.

2. Use your voice as a power tool at the moments that matter

This one is subtle but it changes everything.

When we want to be collaborative and non-threatening, we often let our pitch rise at the end of sentences — turning statements into questions. “We should launch next Monday?” versus “We should launch next Monday.” The first sounds like a suggestion. The second sounds like a decision.

Here’s what’s important to understand: this isn’t about you doing something wrong. Research on vocal authority patterns shows that rising intonation is read differently depending on who’s speaking. The same questioning tone that sounds “collaborative” from one person sounds “uncertain” from another. That’s the system, not you.

But knowing the system means you can play it.

You don’t need to change your voice in every conversation. That would strip away the warmth that makes you effective. Instead, be intentional about three specific moments:

• When you’re sharing a decision: “We’re moving forward with Option B.”

• When you’re setting a boundary: “This needs to be done by Friday.”

• When you’re giving direction: “I need everyone focused on the migration this week.”

In everyday conversations, stay exactly as you are. But when the moment is high-stakes, let your voice match your conviction. Pitch down. Slow down. Hold the silence after.

One of my clients described this as the moment she stopped asking for permission and started stating her position. Her manager’s response? “I don’t know what’s changed, but you seem really clear on what you want.”

Nothing had changed about her competence. She’d always been clear on what she wanted. What changed was the signal.

3. Set the frame, then give freedom inside it

Some leaders think authority means telling people exactly what to do. Others think good leadership means letting the team figure everything out. Neither builds trust in both dimensions.

The leaders who get promoted — and who build teams that thrive — do something specific. They set a clear frame (the goal, the timeline, the why) and then give their team freedom to work within it.

Here’s what this sounds like:

“Our priority this month is improving the onboarding flow. Here’s why — 40% of new users drop off in the first week. I’d like us to have three tested solutions by the end of the month. How you get there is up to you.”

This is a competence signal and a warmth signal at the same time. You’ve shown strategic clarity. You’ve shown you trust your team. And you’ve done something else that’s easy to miss: you’ve claimed the authority to define the frame.

That’s the part most people skip. They jump straight to the collaborative “what do you all think?” — even on decisions where they already know the direction. I did this myself early in my career, and my team actually told me it was confusing. They said: “Sometimes we just want to know the plan so we can get on with it.”

Giving clear direction isn’t the opposite of being warm. It’s one of the most generous things you can do for your team. It removes anxiety. It creates certainty. And it positions you as the person who leads, not just the person who coordinates.

The rule nobody teaches you

Here’s what I want you to take away from this.

Warmth and authority are not a trade-off. They’re not on opposite ends of a spectrum where gaining one means losing the other. They are two separate dimensions of power — and the leaders who rise fastest are the ones who learn to deploy both strategically.

This is a skill. Not a personality trait. You can practice it, refine it, and master it — the same way you’d master any other professional skill.

You don’t need to become someone you’re not. You don’t need to act tough, stop being collaborative, or suppress the qualities that make your team trust you. You need to add a second dimension to what you’re already doing well.

The organisations you work in may not teach you this. But now you know the rule — and you can start using it tomorrow.