The wrong type of confidence keeps you stuck

"There are two types of confidence. You have one, but not the other."

My mentor shared this story with me over lunch last week.

Her manager had said those exact words to her during a performance review... then just stopped talking.

He didn't explain what he meant. She left that meeting completely confused.

It took her years to figure it out. And when she finally did, it changed everything about how she approached leadership.

Her story made me realise something about my own career... and maybe yours too.

The confidence you already have

Type 1: Expertise Confidence

This is the confidence that comes from deep knowledge. When you know a subject inside and out, you feel secure discussing it. You can answer questions, offer advice, solve problems.

Think about your area of expertise right now. When someone asks you about data analysis or software architecture, you feel confident. Your voice is steady, your answers are clear.

This confidence feels good because it's earned. You've studied, practiced, and mastered something difficult.

(And honestly? There's nothing quite like being the person everyone turns to when they need answers.)

But here's the thing: this type of confidence can become a trap.

The confidence that actually changes everything

Type 2: Adaptive Confidence

This is the confidence that comes from trusting your ability to figure things out as you go. It's believing you can succeed even when you don't have all the answers yet.

My mentor explained it this way: "I realised I didn't need to know everything that everyone on my team knew. But I did need to trust that I could learn enough to make good decisions."

This second type of confidence is what separates individual contributors from leaders.

Here's why: As a leader, you can't be the expert in everything. You'll face situations where you have limited information but still need to make decisions. You'll need to guide people who know more than you do in their specific areas.

And that requires a completely different kind of confidence.

Why most of us get stuck

I see this pattern everywhere, especially among women in technical fields.

We become incredibly good at our jobs. We master the details and solve complex problems. That expertise-based confidence feels safe.

But then an opportunity comes up to lead a project outside our area of expertise. Or to manage a team where we're not the technical expert.

And suddenly, we freeze.

We think: "I don't know enough about this yet. I need to study more. I need to become an expert first."

(Sound familiar? Because I've been there.)

The truth is, trying to become an expert in everything before you lead is impossible. And it's not what leadership requires.

The day I almost said no

I remember being offered a Chief of Staff role that would have changed my career trajectory.

My immediate thought? "I don't know how the C-suite really operates. What if I make the wrong decision at that level?"

I almost turned it down.

Almost.

That role taught me something crucial: Leadership isn't about being the smartest person in the room. It's about asking the right questions and making decisions when the path isn't perfectly clear.

Even when you don't have all the information.

How to build adaptive confidence
 

Building this second type of confidence requires a mindset shift. Here's what works:

Start with small unknowns

Look for projects where you'll need to learn as you go. Maybe it's leading a cross-functional initiative or taking on a customer-facing role. Choose something where you can't rely purely on your existing expertise.

Trust your process, not just your knowledge

Instead of asking "Do I know enough?" ask "Do I know how to find answers and make good decisions?" Focus on your problem-solving abilities rather than your current knowledge.

Practice making decisions with incomplete information

In your current role, look for opportunities to make recommendations based on limited data. Start small. Notice that you can make good choices even when you don't have perfect information.

(Your perfectionist brain might resist this. Do it anyway.)

Remember: You don't need all the answers

You need to know enough to spot problems and guide decisions. You don't need to know how to do everyone's job.

The real difference
 

Here's what I've realised: The first type of confidence keeps you safe in your current role. The second type of confidence is what gets you promoted.

Expertise confidence makes you valuable as an individual contributor. Adaptive confidence makes you ready to lead.

Both matter. But if you're stuck in your career, you're probably missing the second one.

The good news? This type of confidence can be developed. It just requires stepping into situations where you can't rely on being the expert.

Your next step

Think about an opportunity that's been sitting in front of you. Maybe it's a leadership role, a cross-functional project, or a chance to present to senior executives.

Have you been waiting until you feel "ready enough"? Until you know enough?

What if instead, you trusted your ability to figure it out as you go?

That shift in thinking is where adaptive confidence begins.

And it's exactly what every leader needs to develop.