The surprising reason you're turning down opportunities

Have you ever turned down an opportunity because something about it just felt... wrong?

Last week, I was chatting with my mentor over coffee. She told me about teaching entrepreneurship to product design students, and how their faces would literally shut down whenever she mentioned the word "profit."

These were mission-driven students. They wanted to change the world through design. And "profit"? That word meant greedy corporations putting money before people.

"It was so strange," she said. "These brilliant students would just... stop listening."

So she tried something different.

Instead of talking about profit, she simply explained: "You need to make more money than you spend to keep your business alive."

Suddenly, everyone was engaged. Same concept but different words – and a completely different reaction.

This reminded me of a story from a retired engineer I met recently. She visited a girls' school and asked: "Who's interested in needlework?" Every hand shot up. Then: "Who's interested in engineering?" Not a single hand.

So she reframed it: "Chemistry is like cooking. Engineering is like needlework – you need the same creative problem-solving skills."

The room came alive with questions.

Why words have more power over you than you think

Here's what's happening in your brain: A huge chunk of it is dedicated to processing language. That's how we create memories, feel emotions, and make sense of the world.

Every word you hear triggers feelings. And those feelings are different for everyone, based on your experiences.

The problem?

Sometimes the words that describe amazing opportunities trigger negative feelings – and we don't even realise it's happening.

We just... say no. And move on. And wonder later why we're stuck.

My own word that was holding me back

I used to hate the word "power".

Just hearing it made my stomach tighten. It reminded me of every arrogant, dominating person I'd ever met. People who used their power to make others feel small.

But then I took a course at Harvard on Power & Influence. (Yes, I almost didn't sign up because of that word!)

What I discovered changed everything.

Power isn't inherently bad. It's simply the ability to influence outcomes. The negative feelings I had? They came from seeing power misused, not from power itself.

This realisation opened up a whole new world for me. I could learn about power, understand it, and use it in ways that aligned with my values.

Your 3-minute exercise to stop blocking yourself

Next time you feel hesitant about an opportunity, try this:

1. Pause and notice – What specific words are making you uncomfortable? Write them down. Actually write them - don't just think about it.

2. Question your reaction – Ask yourself: Is it the opportunity itself you don't want, or just the way it's being described?

3. Reframe it – How else could you describe this opportunity? What words feel better to you?

For example:

• Instead of "networking" → "making genuine connections"

• Instead of "selling yourself" → "sharing your expertise"

• Instead of "playing politics" → "building strategic relationships"

(See what I did there? Same thing but different feeling.)

Don’t let language hold you back

The words we use shape our reality. They can open doors or close them – both with others and in our own minds.

That promotion you're not going for because it involves "politics"? What if it's really about "building collaborative relationships"?

That speaking opportunity you declined because you "hate self-promotion"? What if it's actually "sharing knowledge that could help others"?

Don't let the wrong words rob you of the right opportunities.

Your future self will thank you for pushing past the language that's been holding you back.