Does fighting the system even work?

"Why should we learn these 'unwritten rules' and power signals? Why don't we just demand that men change instead?"

The question hung in the air during my workshop recently.

A senior engineer - talented and frustrated - had just voiced what everyone was thinking. "Isn't it unfair that we have to adapt while they stay the same?"

And you know what? She was absolutely right. It IS unfair.

But here's what I've learned after 10 years in male-dominated industries: Understanding the rules of the game isn't giving up. It's gaining power.

Let me explain why.

Two ways to change the world (and why both matter)

Kamala Harris didn't storm the gates.

She's the former Vice President of the United States - the first woman, first Black person, and first South Asian person to hold this position. But her journey started decades ago as a prosecutor in California's legal system.

She became a prosecutor, then District Attorney, then Attorney General. She learnt every rule of the criminal justice system from the inside.

Was it comfortable? Probably not. Did people question her along the way? Absolutely.

But once she understood the system, she could change it. Her "Back on Track" program for first-time offenders? It cut reoffending rates from 53% to under 10%. That's thousands of lives changed.

She couldn't have done that by protesting outside the courthouse.

Now look at Greta Thunberg.

She's the Swedish climate activist who became world-famous for skipping school to protest climate inaction. What started as one teenager with a sign turned into a global movement of millions.

A 15-year-old with a cardboard sign, sitting outside Swedish Parliament. No connections or insider knowledge. Just conviction.

Within two years, she mobilised millions worldwide. World leaders had to respond because the pressure from outside became impossible to ignore.

Both approaches work. But here's the thing...

Here's why you probably need the "inside" approach

Unless you're planning to quit your job and become a full-time activist, you're probably taking the inside path whether you realise it or not.

Every day you show up to work, you're already playing the game. The question is: are you playing it well?

Think about it:

• That colleague who always gets heard in meetings? They understand the rules.

• The person who got promoted ahead of you? They know which relationships matter.

• Your boss who seems to effortlessly influence decisions? They've mastered the signals.

They're not smarter than you. They just know the playbook.

What "learning the rules" actually looks like

When I first became a Chief of Staff, I watched how decisions really got made. Not in the big meetings - but in the quick chats before. Not through official channels - but through trusted relationships. Through reading the room, knowing who had influence and why.

I had two choices:

1. Complain that it shouldn't work this way

2. Learn the system so I could use it

I chose option 2.

Was I going against my values? No. I was positioning myself to make real changes from a place of power.

The uncomfortable truth: patience beats protest

Real change rarely comes from demanding others act differently.

It comes from:

• Building trust with decision-makers

• Speaking their language (while staying true to your message)

• Gaining enough influence to shift how things work

Yes, it takes patience. Yes, it means sometimes biting your tongue when you want to scream "This is ridiculous!"

But it also means you're there when it counts: When policies are written, when teams are formed, when the future is decided.

Your next move

This week, try this simple exercise:

Watch the most influential person in your organisation. Not the loudest - the most influential.

Notice:

• How do they enter a room?

• When do they speak in meetings?

• How do they disagree with others?

• Who do they build relationships with?

You're not copying them. You're understanding the game.

Because once you know the rules, you can decide which ones to follow, which ones to bend, and eventually - which ones to rewrite.

I've watched this approach work throughout my programmes. Women who master these dynamics progress faster - and they even become the ones rewriting the rules for everyone who comes after them.

Not by fighting from the outside. But by gaining enough influence that their ideas become impossible to ignore.

The bottom line:

You can spend your energy fighting the system from outside, hoping someone listens.

Or you can learn the rules, gain power, and change things from within.

Both are valid. But only one lets you keep your job while creating the change you want to see.

What will you choose?