Are you changing yourself to fit in?

Imagine this: You open your wardrobe one day and suddenly realise - this looks wrong.

That’s exactly what happened to Yvonne, an engineer I met recently. She told me that at one point she stood there, in front of her wardrobe, staring at a row of grey trousers and dull blouses. No colours or dresses. Nothing that felt like her.

“When did this happen?” she asked herself.

The slow slide into becoming someone else

Then she remembered: Her first day at the manufacturing company, she noticed everyone dressed a certain way: Conservative, muted colours, trousers.

So she bought one pair of dark trousers, to fit in better. Then another.

Soon, her bright dresses were pushed to the back of the cupboard.

But here’s what she realised: It wasn’t just her wardrobe that had changed.

She didn’t feel comfortable in meetings, so she often didn’t speak up and share her ideas. And to avoid people disagreeing with her, she often started her sentence with “This might be wrong, but…” She was constantly trying to avoid the feeling of “not fitting in”.

Why we think we need to become someone else

We tell ourselves stories:

• “This is what professionals look like”

• “I need to fit in to succeed”

• “My real personality is too much for this environment”

I’ve been there, too. Early in my career, I thought being taken seriously meant being someone I wasn’t.

But here’s the truth that took me years to learn: People can smell fake from a mile away.

What happened when Yvonne decided to be herself again

Yvonne told me that once she realised, she said to herself “That’s it. Enough.”

The next day, she wore her favourite bright blue blouse to work. She noticed it was easier to speak up, because she somehow already stood out. So she shared her ideas in the meeting.

You know what happened?

Her colleague pulled her aside after the meeting: “You seemed really confident today. That was a great idea.”

Within six months, Yvonne was promoted to Senior Engineer.

Not because she fit in better, but because she finally stood out.

The hidden cost of pretending

When you wear a mask at work - whether it’s literal clothes or a fake personality - you’re fighting a battle on two fronts:

1. You’re using energy to maintain the act

2. You’re competing with people who are naturally being themselves

It’s exhausting. And in my experience, it never really works.

Think about the leaders you admire most. Are they carbon copies of each other? Or do they each have something unique that makes them memorable?

Your difference is your competitive advantage

Here’s what I want you to remember:

That thing you’re trying to hide? That quirk, that style, that different way of thinking?

That’s not your weakness.

That’s your superpower.

When you show up as yourself:

• Your energy goes into doing great work (not maintaining an act)

• People trust you because you’re genuine

• Your unique perspective becomes your brand
  
  

Your action step this week

Take a look at one area where you’ve been trying to change yourself to fit in. Maybe it’s:

• How you dress

• How you speak in meetings

• The ideas you share (or don’t share)

Pick one small thing you can reclaim this week.

For Yvonne, it was a blue blouse.

What will it be for you?

Remember: Success doesn’t come from fitting into someone else’s mould. It comes from breaking the mould entirely.